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On the ice-Day 19

Today we are stuck in the tent due to cold winds. I spent the day reflecting on my relationship with my partner and the way that I treat her...

There have definitely been some serious ups and downs. The distance when I moved to Nelson was a huge struggle, I became depressed after injuring my back and needing surgery and ADHD on top of these day to day struggles makes the downs so much harder for me to manage. We have had huge ups, amazing times, unforgettable adventures along with countless days of laughter. This is an open letter about my love for you Ngaio.

Next week we will have been together for four years. You are the most kind hearted and warm natured human that I know. From the moment your dad made the kind gesture of inviting me into your home during my first expedition, I knew I wanted to be with you. When we first met I realised I had never seen anything as beautiful as you. Your intoxicating blue eyes made my soul explode with an overwhelming sense of joy. The first night I stayed in your home, I was a complete stranger, but you put two hot water bottles in my bed to keep me warm, and you propped a teddy onto the pillows. You asked me sincere questions and you were in awe of what I was doing for others, you were so interested and genuine. I knew then that you were one of the most kind hearted people I would ever know.

Your kindness is borderline insane, I know you would do absolutely anything in the world for me. Now I want you to know, so would I, I would do anything for you.

When i first said 'I love you' on the back of the boat in the Bay of islands, I meant it every bit as much as I do today.

You have put so much more into this relationship than I have. My life has always been me me ME, that has to change now and i'm sorry it took me so long to realise. Moving forward into our fifth year of life together I have made it my goal to be the best man that I can be for you.

Heres a few from my list of changes...

1) Cup of tea in bed every morning

2) Tell you I love you every single day

3) Being honest and truthful above all else

4) No more being a slob and taking advantage of you

5) Hot water bottle for you every night in the winter

6) I will see a counsellor and get help

7)I will make you truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world

8) Do things that make you happy, not just my things

9) Take you on a date every week

10) Go to all the hot pools we can find

I have always wanted to be happy in life and I've done what I wanted to make myself happy. It has taken me this long to realise that it isn't about my happiness, its about yours, because nothing makes me happier, nothing makes my heart beat faster, nothing makes my soul feel lighter, than you.

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